As mentioned in the companion post last week about Jim Bob Duggar screening his daughters’ prospective mates, this post offers some questions and issues to consider discussing. Certainly they do not all have to be addressed at one time. But sharing one’s core values is vital for a long-term, compatible relationship. Core values do surface sooner or later. Which is better? If one cannot accept my core values can they really accept me?
Wise is the father that screens his daughter’s prospective mate. He has more experience and objectivity. Sharp daughters will appreciate a father, mom, or older friend checking out companions. Here are some issues that need to be addressed. Better to find out sooner than later. Avoid hurt and heartache and train wreck relationships.
- Hobbies, how spend time when off work?
- I’d love to tell you how I came to Jesus and to hear your salvation story?
- What is your devotional life like? (Bible reading, prayer)
- Do you gamble, smoke, drink, do weed or recreational drugs?
- Got any goals, dreams for the future? Bucket list.
- Money saved back for emergencies?
- How long had a steady job?
- Own a home, renting or living with parents?
- Got much debt? Good credit and good character usually go together.
- Got guidelines on physical contact before marriage?
- Role of wife: job, career or stay-at-home mom?
- Got regular duties in a local church?
- Your spiritual gift?
- Is spirit or flesh running your life?
- Home body? Does he prefer to spend time with his wife or hang out with buddies, beer hole, fishing.
- Is the couple’s attraction for the other more physical or truly enjoy the friendship?
- How feel about spending time hanging out with our family? You get to know us and vice versa?
- Should the husband be taking spiritual leadership in the relationship even before marriage? How?
Remember that the best predictor of future behavior is not promises or personality tests but past behavior. What he or she is now is often locked in. True, God can change hearts but major behavior changes as the wedding approaches have been found to be short lived, fanciful. Talk is cheap.
Young people, for example not interested in church are not likely to change overnight. I prefer to see 1-2 years of real commitment first. Who has a real heart to serve others in life?