Co-Habiting Girl Needs Advice – Kara’s Case Study


 Kara has been living with her boyfriend, Ted, for 2 years. (names and certain facts changed but a true story). Their house is in Ted’s name but Kara helps pay the monthly mortgage payments. They each pay their own bills. Ted is reluctant to help out financially while Kara completes her college degree. This has  caused stress in their already fragile, less than secure, relationship. They are not engaged. Ted enjoys the benefits of marriage without taking on the responsibilities.

Is the current arrangement balanced or favor either party? What do you see playing out here long-term for Kara?  Which missing Bible principles are causing the problems?  Is fornication addictive? How would you advise Kara?

My Take: Ted is not acting responsibly. He should marry her and add her  name the mortgage. Life seems to be about Ted. He is questionable marriage material. Kara is paying on his mortgage. If and when they split she has no right to receive any money.

  •  Cohabit (fornicate) is like taking a voyage in a leaky boat. Something is going to happen and it will not be good. (Heb 13.4; 1 Cor 6.9-20).
  • when we reject God’s plan, we  also leave God’s blessings and help.
  • Our flesh can outshout God’s Spirit but cannot keep its promises. It promises but does not deliver on that happiness. (Gal 5.17).
  • Christian marriage usually provides wives with  emotional and financial security.
  • Pledging one’s total commitment to God and spouse at the wedding altar is vital
  • Pledging one’s lust to the unmarried partner’s lust is asking for trouble. Lust is not love. Lust is fickle. Lust is not a solid basis for a healthy,  long-term relationship. 
  • Things always work out best doing it God’s way.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matt 6.33 NAS).

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About FredKerr

Bible teacher, M.Div, exercising, pizza, herbal tea, eating out with wife and friends, plants, classic Scripture choruses, hymns, variations of Canon D by Pachabel, clean jokes
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