Is Marriage All About Me?: Self vs. Serving


 Teddy Roosevelt’s daughter said that her father liked to be the corpse at every funeral and the bride at every wedding. He loved attention. Pride is so sneaky, so  persistent.

Pride blocks our willingness to serve others. It can obscure our desire to play our proper role in family relationships. I think of the countless spouses who do not have to lead every parade and direct every band. They quietly serve the family. This has been their vision since the wedding  music faded away.

     “But we have the mind of Christ.” (1 Cor 2.16 NAS).

Jesus came as a servant. Life here on earth was not about gorging on “good feelings.” Life was not all about Him. The true servant “feels” the needs of others.  Mr. “Play Golf All Weekend” and Mrs “Feminists Rule” are not family friendly.

Satan is trying hard to undermine and separate husband and wife. He is appealing to pride today just as he did with Eve. (Gen 3). If he can split the two he can destroy the family, children included.

I so admire the wife who is OK with being a stay-at-home mother.  She has amazingly somehow dodged the prevalent, demonic lie that stay-at-home wives are missing out. It’s a lie to say that stay-at-home moms do not have  a  second to none, calling, a vital, wonderful, blessed career. Satan is a liar and a thief! I hear no complaints from the stay-at-homes in my church. Apparently they have turned a deaf ear to peer pressure. They choose to be inner directed not outer directed.

I admire the bride who accepts the biblical role of the wife – helpmet to the hubby. This is God’s plan by the way, not a mean husband’s. She expects “love, honor and obey” to remain in her marriage vow. She sees this as vital in a biblical marriage. Such issues  need resolving before marriage today.

Certainly I am not implying that all wives should stay at home. I am saying that stay-at-home moms deserve more respect for their chosen career. Better balance is needed.

I appreciate the wife is remains faithful to her marriage despite a hubby that loves golf or TV more than family time, prayer time, spiritual leadership, Christian books, heavenly conversation and church work. Should she speak to him or just bite her tongue and pray? Should she have realized where he was at spiritually before marriage? recognized his missing love for family time and servant’s heart?

       “It takes more grace than I can tell, to play the second fiddle well.” – Earl McQuay.

I admire the husband who must endure demonic attacks on his leadership role in the family. TV commercials belittle husbands. Husbands are presented as inept or mindless bozos. Ads pander to wives who make most family purchases. Divorce courts can punish husbands with questionable settlements. 

I respect the husband who plods along, holding the family together, in a matriarchal environment. I talked to one husband who was separated. His wife has purchased a family home without consulting him. She had displaced him. Was this a proper way for her to show respect? Encourage him? Evidence humility?

 Who will affirm his/her proper role? Who will speak out to expose these demonic attacks on marriage? Who will really do it God’s way? If one is resisting God here, God’s full blessings are being thwarted.  

My wife and I were for some reason invited to  a luncheon in our church fellowship hall. It was filled with mothers and kids. I was told that it was the home schoolers get together. I saw the opposite of  “CD” (career deprivation)! And no child seemed to be under-socialized to me. They were into it.

Let’s affirm our  stay-at-home moms. Dads too as it is a family decision. Does a couple, a spouse,  come to mind that can use some encouragement right now? 

Biblical self esteem comes from being adopted into God’s family! That is big stuff. It is bigger than being a member of the British royal family. Our reign with Christ is not geographically limited, not just political or temporary. It is eternal.

Do we have the mind of Christ? His perspective? Obedience? If a parent does not, how can it be passed on to youngsters?

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another ass more important than himself; do not merely look to your own interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men . .  ” (Phil 2.3-7 NAS).

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About FredKerr

Bible teacher, M.Div, exercising, pizza, herbal tea, eating out with wife and friends, plants, classic Scripture choruses, hymns, variations of Canon D by Pachabel, clean jokes
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